Soccer is for crybabies

Imagine getting tapped on your leg and rolling, crying, screaming, and making an entire scene?
That’s not something that happens in hockey. It is, however, what happens every 90 seconds or so in the spineless sport known as soccer.
Watching a ball roll around for 90 minutes just for the game to be 0-0 is more boring than a five-hour funeral. While in hockey, even if the score remains low, the pace makes it thrilling — breakaways at 20 miles an hour as the goalie prepares for a slapshot slung at his face twice as fast, or better, when the goalie abandons the net to check the incoming offender into the boards.
In hockey, fans pound the boards and scream with each turn of the action, including when players battle it out with their fists – a chorus of howls rise to the rafters when each hook or right uppercut lands after a cheap play. And when hockey players lean in to bash each other in the face, they do it with a smile.
Teeth fly out.
Eyes are blackened.
Blood is dried on the ice.
In soccer, the crybabies on the field thrash around like they were hit by a semi when another player grazes his foot after an opponent tries to strip away the ball.
In hockey, they clean up the blood and the game continues. Even better, after a fight, players are practically labeled as felons and put in timeout for five minutes. Then it’s GAME ON!
What’s the equivalent in soccer? Some player gets a little red card FLASHED in his face, as if the refs were saying: “Tsk. Tsk. You might not be allowed to play next game if you keep being a bad, little boy.”
When they’re not boxing on the ice, players are swarming around, elbows poised to bash the closet opponent trying to score through a two-inch crevice between the goalie and the goal. Soccer goals stand eight feet tall and spans 24 feet wide, while hockey goals are four feet high and six feet wide, to fit the confines of an ice rink, yet the score still ends up being higher.
In soccer there’s barely any gameplay, the ball rolls around, goes out of bounds, the ref comes in, then there’s like four minutes of debating who is at fault.
While soccer fans argue about the majesty of the “beautiful game,” hockey has a guaranteed winner which comes from nail-biting overtime periods or shootouts that leave spectators breathless.
If you’re looking for a sport that delivers constant barbaric action and excitement, hockey is CLEARLY the winner. Soccer may have its global following, but when it comes to pure adrenaline, hockey easily takes first place.
EDITORIAL NOTE: E.Z. Messi is a pen for the writer, who actually likes soccer and doesn’t mean to disrespect its fans.